Illustration by Jean Jullien
Friday 13th November 2015. This should have been a joyous day for me – I moved into a new apartment in Barcelona and I was about to go out to meet some friends for drinks when Lewis broke the news that there had been some explosions near Stade de France in Paris. We weren’t sure what was going on so we went out anyway and over the next couple of hours, we gradually realised the gravity of the situation.
“40 dead,” Lewis said to me, stunned, around 11pm as I grabbed my phone to text all of my friends in Paris that I had left behind exactly two months before to the day, to check if they were ok. Some of them replied instantly saying that they were just 500 metres from one of the attacked venues, locked into the bar and I cannot even imagine what that must have been like. It was terrifying not knowing that everyone was ok but I am lucky that everyone I know is alive and well.
There are far too many people who were not so lucky. I cannot comprehend that these people, who were just out watching their favourite band or having a drink or dinner with friends, are now no longer with us. On that night, these people made decisions that should not be life changing – to go to a certain bar or restaurant or even walk down a particular street. These are decisions that we, as human beings, make every single day and it is impossibly horrific that these usually banal decisions were so deadly for some. It is hard to put into words my feelings about such an inhumane act – in fact there are not enough words or the right words, this is just what came out. My head is a mess with both sorrow and love. I am completely heartbroken.
I had been really missing Paris this week. Now I miss it even more and I feel almost guilty that I wasn’t there on Friday because just a few months ago, it could have so easily have been me. Having lived through the Charlie Hebdo attacks in January – my apartment was just 3 minutes from the offices – I know how frightening and painful this is. I want to be there for you Paris, I want to support your citizens and I want to stand hand in hand at Place de la République when this is eventually allowed and mourn the fallen. I am not there in body but I am in every other way. Paris, je t’aime.
Izzie x