It’s been a couple of years now since I’ve written this type of post. This time last year, there’s no way I would’ve considered it – my mum had just died, I was working a shit job and I’d just experienced what it’s like to live through Christmas “festivities” when you just feel like total crap. It probably would’ve actually helped me to take stock and think about the good things in my life, but when you’re at the bottom of the hole, it’s pretty hard to see the light.
2018 has been two very different years to me. Similarly to 2017, when first six months were the best of my life but the second were the worst, this year has been a mix of extreme highs and lows. But I got through it – and I honestly wondered how I would at times – and, after a wobbly Christmas, I’m actually feeling pretty good.
Rather than writing a “2019 goals” type of post, I thought I would take this time to reflect on 2018 – the good and the bad – and recognise some of my successes and highlights of the year.
2018 was the year I took control of my mental health.
I had no choice. At the beginning of 2018, I was wracked with grief and I had to do something about it. With the death of my mum, my anxiety had returned with a bang and I knew that it would be really damaging if I didn’t address my problems. I did three months of bereavement counselling with Cruse and it was amazing. I found it really useful to talk to (or be silent with) a stranger every week and I was really lucky that they let me do as long as I needed. A few months later, I started a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which is something I’ve wanted to do for years. As an overthinker and serial worrier, CBT helped me learn how to deal with my worries, both little daily ones and bigger, significant worries. Although I have been a bit slack at practising and meditating recently, I want to keep building on this. I would highly recommend CBT to anyone struggling with worry, constant indecision, overthinking and anxiety.
2018 was the first year without my mum.
It sucked. I still don’t really know how to feel about the whole thing and sometimes it feels like having a mum was in a different life. I think this is coping mechanism because if I have to consider this as the same life as before then I will feel how much something is missing even more. It’s been hard but time really is a healer. If you are going through something similar, please know it will get better and talking always helps.
2018 was the year I finally got the job.
After years working jobs to get by whilst living abroad and after a 5 month stint in a poorly paid role when I first moved to London, in April I finally bagged the job I’d been dreaming of – Social Media Coordinator at Jigsaw. I knew I could do it, it just took someone to see it and take a chance on me – and as far as I’m told, I’m doing pretty well. The job is great and I absolutely love the people I work with as well as the work environment. The goal that’s been on many my “new year goals” posts in the past has finally been achieved and I know the only way is up.
2018 was the year for veganism.
Starting with Veganuary, Lewis and I continued to be “week day vegans” (for the most part) for the rest of the year. While we still consume quite a lot of dairy at the weekend, we’re doing our bit and I always say that’s the best you can do. I hope to cut down a bit more in 2019 but I’m still never planning on being a full time vegan (cheese and croissants are my weakness).
2018 was the year I only went to one new place – Göteborg – and revisited Barcelona, Somerset and Paris (twice).
Although I am passionate about exploring the world, sometimes it’s ok to just go back to the places you already love. Having spent 3 years of my twenties living in Paris, that city is a part of me, feels like home and is a place that I just need to visit at least twice a year. While 2018 didn’t bring many new travels and I’m happy with the little trips I took, I’m ready to discover to new parts of the world. 2019 will bring a wedding in Croatia, perhaps a holiday in Sri Lanka, hopefully an American road trip and definitely lots more visits to Paris…
2018 was another year Lewis supported me unconditionally.
I honestly don’t know how I would survive without this boy. He has held me, told me to breathe and helped me rationalise during the darkest moments. From grief to flat hunting in London (if you’ve done it, you know how anxiety-inducing it can be), Lewis has been there for me and I’m so grateful for his understanding and patience.
Thank you for reading this year. I hope you have a good end to the year and I would definitely recommend taking a moment to think back on the year and recognise what you have achieved, even if it’s something small. X
